Wednesday, 28 February 2007

First words from a Fat Frog

Well, here I am...the fattest frog who ever sat on a lilly pad. Of course, it hasn't always been this way, and I am taking steps to rectify the problem. Really I am! I have done just about every diet imaginable, eaten every weird meal, and drunk every shake that exists. All without luck. So, recently I underwent the biggest step of

Yep, I had Lapband surgery. What do I think? Well, it wasn't easy. First, you have to go on a strict diet for 3 weeks - more shakes and puddings. Before you start you look longingly at the huge sub you are about to eat, telling yourself you won't miss it, you can have it again sometime. Guess what, you can't! You will never again eat fruit with skin, bread, some tough meat, seeds, nuts and potatoes in their jacket. So, having decided you don't really need any of that stuff anyway, you dive into your vanilla shakes, chocolate desserts and luke warm soup (for some reason you can't add boiling water...go figure).

Then, the big day arrives. You are nervous, well, as with any surgery. You fast all day, and really, avoid water too unless you tell the nurse exactly how much you have drunk. The appointed hour arrives, and you are wheeled down to surgery. After what seems like a lovely long nap but was really less than 40 minutes, you wake up in recovery, finding it difficult to breath. I am told it was just because of the air they pump into your body to make it easier to use the camera...

You are then wheeled into the High Dependency ward, where your blood pressure fluctuates all night, giving then nurses cause for alarm, you can't get up to go potty because you pass out every time, and have to suffer the indignitries of a bed pan (those things just aren't natural...)

A day later you are allowed to sip clear fluids, soup and juice. Once you manage to sit upright, keep your fluids down and generally look like you might be mending you are bundled off to your own private room, and man, that private bathroom, your own jammies and a tv with a remote never looked so good!

After another fitful night's sleep you are finally allowed home. Now you get to be in control of this marvelous thing called diet destiny. Where this journey takes you is totally up to you, which as you will see, is not always a good thing....