Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Relationships are hard work

Well, mine is anyway. I know it's been awhile since I added to my page. Not much has happened. Just the usual work, sleep, fight with Jr Her, fight with Him. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Until Sunday. Seems Him has been a little upset with our relationship lately, and after a day of snapping at each other, he has moved out to the caravan. He was actually going to pull the van out, and had "the talk" with our daughter saying as much.

Well, after giving it a lot of thought, he has decided to stay in the van but still in the yard for the time being. To be honest, he would probably be back inside but I suggested during a late night talk Sunday that perhaps if he stayed in the van but left it in the yard we would be able to communicate better. If we went back to normal all the old issues will still be there.

We had the opportunity to air our grievences, which helped get a better understanding of where we were heading. I get stressed because my job is stressful, then to come home and be the only person doing housework and cooking and dealing with a very pigheaded pre-teen, it's not fun.

He was feeling left out of the family, as Jr Her would go into one room to watch TV, I would be on the computer because there was nothing to watch on TV, and he was left alone in the kitchen or on the bed.

Perhaps I should explain a little further. He is back on night shift. That means we have either already left for the morning when he gets home, or we are literally on the way out the door. We try not to wake him when we get home, but often he is awake anyway, and I am doing the usual stuff - washing off the line, check the emails, take care of any phone calls that need to be taken care of, fighting with Jr her. I don't go in and spend time with him. Then I cook dinner. He doesn't like to eat too early so I put his aside and Jr Her and I eat alone. Then, I am sometimes watching TV or reading, and he is alone in the bedroom, waiting till it is time to get up and go to work.

So our paths don't cross very much. He has been working six nights a week so he sleeps on the weekend and doesn't want to do much except potter around the house.

Now, I understand he feels lonely, and I understand that he has forgotten all he ever knew about cooking. We have talked some about him helping in the kitchen or heating prepared meals for me. We have discussed spending more time together on weekends as a family, cooking or going out somewhere as well, but I think we need to actually put a plan in place.

Maybe the couple of hours we can grab tonight while Jr Her is at guides will help...


Anonymous said...

Hi Froggy,

Hang in there. It is really hard when your partner is busy working or so pre occupied by what is going on at work. I have had one like that for the past few weeks. Mr. Hatchet at work is getting him down. I probably don't help either as I had been feeling rather neglected. We just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary yesterday. We celebrated on the weekend and had a day out at the theatre, a night in a hotel and a really nice dinner. Doesn't have to be a special occasion to do these kinds of things you know. Even a nice relaxing picnic somewhere or a special meal on the day that he is not working where you don't have to do much, just spend some time together.

We need to catch up for a coffee and a chinwag. Would love to see you.


SOL's view said...

You know, it's a two way street. If he's awake when you come home, he can come to you. He might not help, but he can stand and talk while you cook, get the clothes in. Even sitting in the same room doing different things used to suffice for Ken if he was feeling a bit neglected. Course, pre-teens are always going to be wanting to be where there are no parents, so he's not going to get much satisfaction there. =)

Leanne said...

Night shift makes things difficult doesn't it? My partner works constant nightshift, and it does have a strain on the relationship... the difference with me is that I don't have a daughter to work around aswell. I agree with Sol, he can come to you, and perhaps should come to you, just so you can at least spend some time together.

I usually wake up my partner about 8pm with big cuddles in bed for 15mins or so, then we have dinner together - any chance you can work out a time that you can both have dinner together? Can't he have a snack before going to work if he's feeling a bit peckish?

I hope things come together Ok for you both... its hard that he's in the van, but as long as you are communicating, thats the most important thing.

I hate nightshift by the way... it sucks the life out of you, and has a tendancy to put pressure on relationships.

Good luck matey.